Sometimes, the Universe throws you a curveball. Sometimes, your curveball comes in the form of a 250 pound man who steals your things and punches you in the face. Maybe, this man is also from America and crosses your path in a tapas bar in Kuala Lumpur. That’s the biggest piece of irony I’ve taken away from this entire situation, that I can travel 30,000 miles from home and have no more than an unwarranted selfie or uncomfortable staring thrown my way. The only physical harm to come to me this entire sabbatical was at the hands of a man from Chicago, Illinois. I feel safer on the road than I do here. The biggest blessing to come from being overseas is at least homeboy wasn’t allowed to tote a gun.
“What did you do to provoke this man?” has been the question in all of this that has made my blood boil. There is never anything that a 5’4, 125 pound woman could ever do to be attacked out of anger by a man twice her size. I don't think there's anything any woman could do. I don't think words are fuel enough for any person, regardless of sex. But, to answer the question, the word “bitch” was enough of an enticer to make this man snap on me. I find this interesting because I only used this word after it was used on me at least a hand full of times. I also find it comical that a man could so effortlessly use this word to invoke anger in a woman and irrationally snap when it backfires.
And let me quote the exact phrase: “you are a black bitch.” This man, was also black. He was a very visual, afrocentric type of black man. Which, I learned later in the night, he was no actual representation of at all. My father grew up in the pre civil rights East Palo Alto. My father held the safety of his mother and his sisters above all. My father would never raise his fists to a black woman or any woman, for that matter. I was raised by a strong black man. I am the auntie helping to raise a strong black man. I will go home tonight, wipe off my makeup, and show my nephew exactly what happened to my eye. I will teach him that if he ever raises his hands to a woman, his face will look like mine. We will discuss the word bitch and how men really only use it when women stand up for themselves and have vocal opinions. I have so many black men in my life that I love. I know that this man, while brown in color, is not a depiction of the black man that I know and love. This man hates his blackness. This man hopped two continents to get away from the self hatred that he has fostered in himself, partially from being raised in this country. This man now uses his blackness for “cool points”. This man, lives in a place where people save his number with the word “black” next to his name. He is angry to be black and I feel so bad for him. We are the culture everyone appropriates and he is included in that everyone. It is an honor to be black and to know that we are descended from kingdom’s far beyond our imagination. I was sure to let him know that he was the only black bitch in the room, for I am a black queen.
I have chosen not to share the name, video, or details of this incident because this man doesn’t deserve that level of glorification from me. And as far as I’m concerned, he is only a man by way of his biological functions. I am a firm believer that everything in this Universe happens with purpose and intent, even the bad. I know God & Goddess were only testing my faith and my strength; I am so proud of the level of balance I was able to maintain through this fiasco. That is the best depiction of how much growth I’ve gained during this time away. I have the best support system in my family and friends. Kudos to my mom and my sister for cancelling all of my cards and making sure I got home. Kudos to my TT for having a warm bed and wine on deck in Dallas when I flew in. Kudos to Milan for literally having my back that night and for creating SO many beautiful memories with me in the last three months. This experience has broadened my love for the people in my life who care about me and has shown me who will truly be there when shit goes awry.
I know, truly, that the Universe called me back stateside a month earlier because I’m the only suitable candidate to take my neice Nahla to see The Lion King. I encourage you all to make every experience in your life a part of your journey. You tell your story and you define your truth. And if ever an experience comes to you in the way that it did me, be a BITCH..
Love, light, and lion vibes,
Hey, again. It's Shonna.
I'm one part dance diva, one part sunbeam, and one part lioness. This blog is a highlight reel of my favorite moments, my travels, my dance classes, and my spiritual journey. It is a place for me to express, share, and heal. Through my journey, I hope to inspire, create, and spread happiness. I truly enjoy making others feel good - about themselves, about their circumstances, about life in general. With any dash of hope, maybe you can feel that way too.